I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
