I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
