the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
