Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
