Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
