i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
