ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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