bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
