all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
