3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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