Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
