I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
