My room smells like vodka and shame
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
