I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
