that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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