Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
love makes seman taste better
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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