i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
