all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
