I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
