well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
