I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
this hospital has no fireball
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
