Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
