Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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