Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
