I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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