So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
