I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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