he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
