you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
