When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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