so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
