Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
