new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
