I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
