end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
