my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
