I'm eating all of the evidence.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
