recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
