You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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