Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
