Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
