We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Can Purell be used as lube?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want her autograph on my taint
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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