Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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