bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
