Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
