I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
