did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's great music for shaving your balls
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
