the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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