I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
