im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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