i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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